Army of One, Take 5

Some new photographs for the Army of One project about US Army veteran Timothy McClellan, Chisholm MN, Dec 24th, 2010, to Jan 2nd, 2011

Here are a few notes that I took during my stay with Timmy.

After retiring from the Army with full benefits for the rest of his life, Timmy moved back to Minnesota in the spring of 2010 and now attends the local community college. He lives in a small house in Chisholm which is a town close to Hibbing where his parents and his ex-wife and the kids live. In the summer 2010 he got a DUI and lost his driver’s license. He needs other people to drive him to school and stays holed up now even more than before. He used to go see his grandparents every Monday for lunch but doesn’t have a ride anymore.

He keeps talking about wanting to move away, to New York City or Northern California. Life always seems better somewhere else. He never cooks and orders take out or has people bring him stuff to eat over and at one point he mentions that he has a hard time keeping the house clean. His ex-girlfriend used to take care of him and was in charge of the household but then she cheated on him and he kicked her out.

Timmy has constant back pain and needs surgery – before the surgery he has to go for more appointments with doctors though. He is not currently seeing a psychiatrist because he says that he knows exactly what to tell them and that they can’t help him anyway. “The only thing that helps with post-traumatic stress disorder is time,” he says. If he needs drugs, he goes to the VA and gets a prescription for any drug he wants. He takes Xanax every once in a while and it does make him seem more upbeat and friendly and optimistic. Timmy’s mood is generally a lot better (even without anti-depressants) than before, he jokes around and makes people laugh all the time. Now that he’s out of the Army, he can grow his hair out and have facial hair. He checks frequently in the mirror if he looks fine and asks people if they like his long hair.

The presence of his pitbull Uzi comforts and calms him. He has a special “Service Dog” license for him and is able to bring him anywhere – the class room or his grandparents’ assisted living apartment where pets are usually not allowed. He jokes about how he loves to make people uncomfortable when they ask about his service dog. They ask him, “what is wrong with you?” and he says, “you know, you’re not supposed to ask people that” or he tells them some wild story that leaves them bewildered.

Timmy likes to teach and tend to things and take care of them, like his dog or plants in his self-made little green house.

He stays up late drinking pretty much every night and watches documentaries on cable television or plays “Call of Duty”. The TV is on all day.

College bores him and he doesn’t really see the point of going. He makes references to historic events sometimes in class and he says no one gets it, not even the teachers. He feels unchallenged and underwhelmed.

The kids come over sometimes and Timmy immediately turns the TV on for them and then goes back to bed. He is hungover and tired and doesn’t spend much time with them throughout the day. He tells me that all the kids do when they come over is watch TV.  “They don’t know their dad,” he says but he doesn’t seem to make much of an effort to change that. He admits feeling helpless around his kids even though he loves having them around.