Racheal Lwiindi, from Mazabuka/Zambia
During my stay in Zambia, I was looking for people who wanted to share their stories about HIV/Aids for a photo project. I was introduced to Racheal Lwiindi, a 46-year-old woman who has openly come out as HIV positive. She lives in a small town, Mazabuka, a two hour bus ride south of Lusaka, the capital of Zambia.
I was born in 1962, the 21st of March. I was brought up in a village. My mother told me that her relatives came and picked me when I was two years old. I didn’t know my real mother. I was just kept by some relatives of my mother. Lastly, I went to Copperbelt, my firstborn brother took me there and I stayed with them until unfortunately I got pregnant when I was in grade 7. That’s when I stopped school – I was fifteen. My brother then brought me to Lusaka where my mother was. That was my first time to see my mother.
I was not married. I was just staying with my parents. My parents were not supporting me with my baby. I was making some baskets, going in the bush and making some baskets, in exchange for chickens. If someone then wanted to buy that chicken, they gave me some money and I went to buy something for my baby. The situation was not good. It was bad until my mother and my father divorced. I still talk to my father and I really love him. I love them both because… they are the ones. They’re my parents. So I love them, although they haven’t done anything for me. I’ve got no problem with them. Maybe if they hadn‘t given me away, I wouldn‘t have gotten pregnant, because I would have stayed with them. My boyfriend who impregnated me was ready to marry me but my father said you can’t get married with the man because he’s not our tribe. You see, it‘s tribalism. Him, he was a Bemba. Me, I’m a Tonga. So my father refused to let me get married. Then he told my boyfriend, if you want, just get your son and leave my daughter. It was not good for me. I felt bad. My boyfriend stayed for almost four months, at my father’s place. We were in love with eachother. As we were loving eachother, the problem was for my parents. We were not thinking anything because by that time, I was ready to go with the man because the way they were treating me, it wasn’t good. They were giving me hard works that I couldn’t manage. Especially my father. I used to cut the big trees, big trees, if I won’t finish that tree to cut, I will be beaten. I wasn‘t even allowed to eat nshima. And they gave me a portion to weed. In the field. If I haven’t finished, he went and beat my mother first, after beating my mother then he came and beat me. Lastly, I sat down and I thought and I thought and I told my mother, mom, please, can you take me to the one who got me pregnant so that we can stay together. Are you the real mother? Is this one my father? Then my mother said, yes, I am. I’m your mother, he’s your father. Then why are you treating me like that? My mother said, as you know, your father is a beer drunk. So, that’s just how he is. My father was an alcoholic.
I got married in 1983. It wasn’t a problem for my husband that I already had a child. The husband was encouraging me to bring my child to stay with us, and we did. I had four children with him. My first born is Scrivina, then Godfrey, Dianah, Amon and Chippo. The one who took care of me when I was very sick is Dianah. She is married now. She even cooked for me. She’s the one who prepared everything because I was so tired.
I can’t know properly how I became HIV positive. My husband was too movious. Moving up and down. With girlfriends. When I had my last child, it was just me. Then he married another woman. Two wives, at the same time. Then, I went back to my mother’s place and I stayed here. He remained with the second wife. Then the second wife died. He married another wife, then the third wife died. So, two wives died, then, at last, he also died. That’s how it is. I suspect I got the virus from him. I used to go and see the way how they are living when he started getting sick, I was trying to encourage him, because I knew my status, I knew that I was positive, I went there and I talked to him but he refused to accept. I wanted him to go to VCT. Maybe he knew his status, I don’t know. In 2004, he passed away – the same year I started ARVs.
It’s common in Zambia to have more than one wife. Some have ten, eleven wives! Yes! Like, for example, my uncle. He stays in Kaloma. He has ten wives. I don’t like polygamist relationships so I sat down with him and I had a chat with him. He said that these women are the ones who go into the field. Himself, he just sits. I think it’s just Tongas. Other tribes also have polygamist marriages, but not much. But Tongas… They’re worse. My uncle’s wives work for him, everyday. Even when it’s time for the rain season, they go in the field. He’s just using the women, saying that this is their job. They came here to work. Like, for us, the nieces, when we go there, we want to go and help while they’re in the field. He says, no, come, come, come, come! Don’t go! Let them go and work! Why? Because that is their duty. I think the reason why they married him is because they don’t have knowledge. Also, even the women themselves, they just follow the money. Because he was the only one who had a car in the village. He was the one who was doing some lifts. Maybe that was what was encouraging the women to get married that side. And they don’t mind, even if they are many, they don’t mind. In the rural areas, like here in Mazabuka, it is common. Even if they are positive. We teach them that they have to use condoms so that they can protect themselves and not infect the other wives. Some, they agree, some, they don’t.
I was my husband’s favorite, but after we had children, he said that I was not in a good condition. I can say that we were loving eachother. Because he never slapped me when we were married. Yes, we were quarreling sometimes, but he never slapped me. If there was a problem with the children, he was much concerned. Whenever he came late from where he was, he would like to sit as a family. And eat, enjoy… We were together. And then suddenly, from nowhere, I don’t know, what comes in his mind. Maybe it was group influence. First he impregnated his girlfriends. It was difficult for him to bring another wife while I was there. Because me, I was a jealous woman. Even now, I’m a jealous woman. I don’t want to be two. So instead of just processing them on that side, he told me, you, you move out. Then that one comes here. She just stayed six months, then she passed away.
The reason I went for VCT was because I had some sores on my body. All over my body. When I went to chat with my friend, my friend ran away. Because of the way I was. Then they started saying, you have AIDS, you. Even my relatives were not sharing one plate. The were saying, you have a virus, you have AIDS, you cannot eat with us. So with that mentality of having AIDS, I was not feeling well. I felt very bad. Then in 2003, on the fifth of October, I took my third born, Dianah: Let’s go! Can you escort me to the hospital? I went with my daughter, I got some tests and they told me that I’m HIV positive. The first week I was just pretending that there is nothing wrong. Then I went and I told my mother that I’m HIV positive. My mother said, don’t worry. You are not the first one. There are other ones who are like you. Then my mother told my brother. My brother announced it to everybody. I was not happy. I started crying and Dianah started saying, no, Mami, don’t do that, don’t cry, but I said, it’s better I die. Then my daughter started crying.
We were sleeping in one bed, the three of us, Chippo and Dianah and me, we were sleeping together. We didn’t have any blankets or what. We were living in that small house that I will show you when we pass there. My firstborn Scrivina came and sat down where I was sleeping and said, Mami, don’t sleep with Dianah and the baby, because you are going to infect them. You have AIDS. So because AIDS can go to the baby, through sweating, through saliva…
I asked him, why are you saying so? He said, because I have seen something on the TV. That’s where I got this information. I said, who told you that someone can get HIV through sweat? That’s not what they told me at the hospital. He says, no, I tell you that you should not share the bed with my sisters. – My own son refused me! Denied me! What about other people? What are they going to say about me? It’s better I die. By that time, I didn’t even manage to walk long distances – I was just in bed. Then in January 2004, I was down completely. I couldn’t manage to wake up, to eat, to feed on my own… I could not manage. They put me on TB treatment. I had TB. Dianah started encouraging me and said, I love you, but the rest of my family said, no, you’re not supposed to eat what your mother is eating because you are going to get AIDS. At that time, we were saying AIDS.
When I went back to the hospital, I told them my situation. The nurses, three of them, went to talk to my mother and my brother about the way HIV entered and how you can get infected. Still – because the information was not enough – I ended up having my own plates and spoon – everything. But my children said, Mami, we will die with you. If this disease will make you die, we will die as well. When I looked at that, the way my children were talking to me, I used to cry a lot. But I still could not manage to wake up. Not manage to move.
Some church members came to pick me up, just like a bag: We want to get a photo with you! What? Why do you want photos with me when I’m dying? When I was strong, you didn’t even want to snap photos with me. They wanted to have a picture of me when I was a skeleton. When I was in the form of a skeleton. I don’t know why. They were thinking that I was dying. They were saying, this one’s going to die. Let’s just organize ourselves. We need money
for the coffin…
But when I finished taking the TB drugs, I started picking up. One of my brothers called me from Lusaka, that’s where I went and stayed for three months and I started taking ARVs there. My brother was paying for my ARVs because at the time, they were not yet free in Zambia. I said I want to go back to Mazabuka so I can stay with my children so I came back here without drugs. I went back to Lusaka but they said, no, your brother hasn’t paid the bills so we are not going to give you any drugs. The money to pay the drugs was finished. I asked them for a transfer so I could go pick up the same drugs in Mazabuka. They gave me a transfer. You pay 40.000K per bottle (about US$9). I said, my family cannot do that, they cannot pay for me. But the nurses said, then you’ll die. I said, it doesn’t matter. I don’t have that money. There’s no way I can get that money. It’s better we stop. But they gave me the drugs anyway for two weeks. I came back and I met two sisters who gave me 40.000K to pay at the hospital and I went back and they gave me another two weeks. From there, they wrote a letter to the Ministry of Labour and Social Affairs – I started getting free drugs and they gave me food to eat. The sisters started sponsoring me. They brought me away from my old house because that side, when the nuns used to bring food, all of them, my family, they came and they ate the food that the sisters were cooking for me. They ate it. The sisters said, we will find a house for you, you need to shift. I started renting this house – the rent is 150.000 kwacha (US$33).
When I got well, I went to the radio and gave my testimony about the way my family was treating me. When they heard my testimony, my family got ANNOYED! They got annoyed on me. I asked them: Am I lying? Is it not the way you are treating me? That’s exactly the way you are treating me and it’s the reason why I gave my testimony and I’m happy because I’m well now. I have to say the things which passed. And they said, no, you’re not supposed to say so. Why should I hide? They were ashamed. Now, we are in good condition. Others still stigmatize me. But I’m busy teaching!
That’s the way I came out. I found if I hide myself then my children suffer more. Now I work in the Mazabuka District Hospital as a peer educator. I’m doing ARV adherence. I’m checking whether the person is taking the right dosage, following the VCT, the CD4 count, you’re making sure you’re teaching those people so that they can understand the importance of taking drugs for those who are positive. People here in Mazabuka, before they heard my testimony on the radio, most of them came privately to find me and tell me that they are the same family. Same family means: They are also HIV positive. Until they announced it on the radio: If you want to see Racheal, just come to Radio Mazabuka. A lot of people came to see the way I was looking, whether I was still a skeleton. But they found that I had changed.
I find it difficult to bring people together, to form support groups because people are afraid of coming out as positive, mostly at their working place. They think that if people find out that they‘re positive, they chase them. So mostly, they don’t want to come out in the open. It’s slowly changing but there is still a lot of stigma. Some people at work asked me, are you positive, you? Yes, I am HIV positive. They say: You are a liar! Because of the way I’m looking. I look healthy. So they don’t believe that I’m taking drugs. Then I show them my bottle. Have you ever seen this bottle? Can you read me the words which are written there? If you find a bottle like this, then you should know that I’m HIV positive. These are my drugs! This is where my life is, I’m topping up my life!
Racheal‘s testimony greatly impressed me. I got to know her as a very optimistic and cheerful person even though her life is hard: She works long hours and still only makes about US$100 a month from which she pays – among other things – the school fees for her children and herself. She also cares for her nephew who has been living with her ever since his father died of AIDS.
Her five children have been tested and are all HIV negative.
Glossary:
nshima: cornmeal, the staple food in Zambia
VCT: Voluntary Counseling and Testing, aka an HIV test
ARV: anti-retroviral drugs. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antiretroviral_drug
CD-4: The absolute CD-4 cell count is the main test that doctors use to monitor your immune system. Most people with HIV find that over time their CD4 cell count falls, although there may be long periods when it remains very stable. If it falls below certain levels, you are potentially at risk from certain opportunistic infections, so you may be offered treatments to try to prevent them. Likewise, monitoring your CD4 count can help you decide whether to start taking anti-HIV drugs, to try to prevent any further damage to your immune system.